Friday, June 26, 2009

tech report: the rightness of spring

As featured in my previous post, tech reports from the Shanghai bicycle scene show some stunning new trends. And, as pointed out in the comments, one particular new development was worthy of its own post: the bicycle saddle. Yes, while the bench seat offers great storage capacity and the potential for side-by-side seating options, it is also hard and splintery. So what kind of saddle offers the spring-loaded comfort and traditional styling of a Brooks,

as well as the channeled air flow and testicular retention capacity of an ISM "clipless" saddle,

and of course the grundular hair removal capabilities of a beauty spring (i.e. one of these):

The answer is, of course, this:
Show up to the World Naked Bike Ride (beware of this link) on one of these saddles and you will be the envy of the entire peloton. The springs will allow you to sit comfortably over even the roughest pavement. The tensioned scrotal clamping mechanism will keep you seated (an important climbing skill for gear-mashers to practice). The ample ventalation will keep you cool, even as the mercury rises. The patented hair removal capabilities will produce a neatly-shorn nether region. And, the retro styling will look great on a lugged steel frame.

Plus, just think of how much you'll save on chamois creme! You may, however, need to get a tetnus booster shot and also probably a large supply of bandages.


miniweesh said...

it 'taint no laughing matter

co2cycle said...

there is, of course, the ongoing debate as to whether it's called the taint, baunch, or grundle. discuss.

Anonymous said...

I thought this blog was talking about laser hair removal in Houston? I guess not, but whatever, we can talk about whatever you like.

DukePirate said...


Do you mean this:

Well, I don't think that we were talking about it, but we can now. I would like an estimate for full-body, yeti-like hair removal, please. While you're at it, if you could patch up my bald spot, too, that would be great. Hit me back, yo!

Chris, I always understood that the terms were gender-specific. Thus, 'taint' with regard to females and 'grundle' with regard to males. Dunno what the hell a 'bauch' is, though, so you got me there.