Monday, June 22, 2009

CSI (Crash Scene Investigation) Wilkesboro

Fortunately, the injury to Ben's elbow was not too serious, meaning that the time we need to wait to make light of the situation is very short. In fact, it

So what caused the crash? This photo taken less than an hour before the incident may provide some clues. 

Exhibit A: Linus, Ben, JD, Ali (L to R, not pictured, me)

Based on this photographic evidence, it appears that Ben is already leaning precariously, suggesting that he may be too tall to remain upright and was destined to fall from the beginning. Everyone was decked out in the full team-issue BCC kit, so that's not the problem. We do, however, see that Ben is the only one not wearing a black helmet, so maybe wearing white at Dark Mountain or before labor day is a big fashion no-no and he was struck down because of this. 

But I have a white helmet and was okay (knock on wood). And black-helmeted Linus crashed on a bridge. 

Ben was the only guy not "rocking" a 29er, except for Ali, who had a size-corrected 29er which features a 26" wheel in the back but has a 26" wheel in the front. This could have led to Ben's problems. 

He also rides a carbon bike, and riding carbon bikes is such a roadie thing to do. We all know that true roadies can't mountain bike (just as true triathletes can't ride in groups larger than 1), so perhaps this factor led to his mountain bike crash. But Ben is actually an excellent mountain biker. Furthermore, the crash actually happened on a roadway, so we cannot blame this roadie-like tendency on his accident. Further tests must be run to determine if Ben is actually a triathlete.

Perplexingly, Ben also insists on still using V-brakes, instead of trendy disc brakes. Could the adequate, but less modern stopping power of these ancient relics have led to the crash? BCC-CSI is still performing the computer simulations to test this theory.

The final piece of evidence we have to work with is the alleged "confession" in the emergency room. Ben supposedly admitted to the fact that the crash was his fault. However, this confession may have been given in a post-traumatic state, possibly skewed by blood loss. Ben didn't take any pain killers, but I'm still not sure this confession would hold up in court. 

In the end, we may never know the true cause of this crash. We were unable to find the missing flesh (which was probably carried away by hungry vultures) so some of the CSI's most ridiculous analyses could not be performed. Since the true culprit may still be out there, please be careful on your rides.


B Swad said...

Hilarious Analysis! After in-depth analyzization of the crash and multiple converations with cyclist and non-cyclist alike, I have come up with the "true" reason for the fall.

The Mountain bike gods were punishing me for riding my rig on asphalt. I mean clearly that machine needs to stay on the dirt, especially with such choice terrain in the vicinity.

That place is like an amusement park for bikes...Should have know better!

felonious said...

Excellent and amusing CSI work. I larfed!

DukePirate said...

Larf x2!

DukePirate said...

Is Ben doing the robot? If so, was it a robot competition? And did the Professor defend his title?