Wednesday, October 5, 2011

lazy bones

i hope you are enjoying my clavicleblog.

last week i had my one-month-after-my-two-week-after-surgery check-up/irradiation session. x-rays are fun. they're the only way to really see what bones are doing (except for the way that involves removing pesky skin and muscle tissue). plus, if decades of comic books and possible misinterpretations of nietzche have taught us nothing it is that which does not kill us will surely give us super powers, unless of course it just makes us weaker, which it probably will. i find it funny that they point this giant tube at my shoulder--6" from my head--and give me a little lead blanket to cover my junk. shouldn't i be more worried about cooking my brain? sure, i care about my junk, but as a cyclocrosser, obviously not much. but that's just my pesky brain talking. i'm sure a few more trips to the hospital will take care of that silly thing.

as best as i can tell, the x-ray schedule is designed to answer a series of questions:
1) in emergency room: is this thing broken? yep, you broke it.
2) after surgery: did we put everything back together right? yep, looks good. wait, are those my car keys in there?
3) two weeks after surgery: hey, buddy, have you done anything to fuck up our handywork in the past two weeks? did anything fall out? we used 6 $200 screws* so i don't think so. are your sure my keys aren't in there? i still can't find them. [*approximate cost of titanium hardward--i did see the itemized bill in my online medical records, but it has mysteriously disappeared.]
4) one month after the two week x-ray: is everything healed up yet? no? we didn't think so. see you in another month.

so this most-recent xray looked nearly identical to the one taken a month ago. i can post them both and you can do one of those "find the differences" games, but you would lose. apparently, when they do clavicle surgery, they clean up some of the area around the bone, which makes it heal a little more slowly than it would without surgery. can anyone confirm if this is true? or are my bones just lazy? actually, based i've read on stuff online, not seeing signs of healing 6 weeks after surgery isn't surprising. and given the fact i learned this from the internet, it gives me much confidence in its accuracy.

so with this week's musical interlude, let's turn these Layzie Bones into some Bizzy Bones so i can get back to tha crossroads (which is to say bike rides out near Dodson's Crossroads, not the mythical space where the living pass on to the afterlife (although i would like to see a giant ghost Easy-E hanging out in the clouds over Orange County)).

No comments: