Thursday, October 28, 2010

Past, present, and future

As Ali posted, VeloNews posted my recent exploits as the old man racing with the college kids. Once again all I saw was the "party in the back" side of Oakes' flowing mullet, though, based on his speed, obviously also consists of much "business up front". Since this hairstyle appears to give him Sampson-like powers, there appears to be only one way I can beat him:

I had to work in the forest in the morning (the "study" part of the student life) so I missed rad racing by Linus and Jay, although I did manage to catch a glimpse of Geoff, Ben, and Corey ripping through their race.

Linus already knew how to ride fast, but he learned that fancy wheels don't mean nothing if tires are not attached to them and that finishing well don't mean nothing if the referees don't record your finishing position and you don't catch them before the protest period is over. Jay was just out of the top-ten after working ridiculous hours and being a responsible father. I suspect that that his company's work at NCSU is actually being purposely slowed down by students who are also cyclocross racers (and co-hosted Sunday's race) in an attempt to keep him down, but those antics won't work. Hopefully other BCC guys will write up their race reports. We had awesome support, particularly from Chef Daniel who provided words of encouragement so helpful that I won't sully them with some cooking-related metaphor.

Weekend racing was fun and we collected some useful data we'll use to plan our upcoming race at Orange County Speedway. I've seen a decent number or courses in my 10 years or so of cyclocross racing, but to build the best possible course, we're digging back into the archives to give it a classic, old school flavor:

of course, we'll be co-hosting this race with Durham's Regulators, and we all know that Regulators can kick it old school:


felonious said...

"Gotta be handy with the steel (Circle A?)"

nicomachus said...

Synopsis of Warren G and Nate Dog's lyrical tale...

On a cool, clear night (typical to Southern California) Warren G travels through his neighborhood, searching for women with whom he might initiate sexual intercourse. He has chosen to engage in this pursuit alone.

Nate Dogg, having just arrived in Long Beach, seeks Warren. On his way to find Warren, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. Regardless, he insists to the women that there is no cause for excitement.

Warren makes a left turn at 21st Street and Lewis Ave, where he sees a group of young men enjoying a game of dice together. He parks his car and greets them. He is excited to find people to play with, but to his chagrin, he discovers they intend to relieve him of his material possessions. Once the hopeful robbers reveal their firearms, Warren realizes he is in a less than favorable predicament.

Meanwhile, Nate passes the women, as they are low on his list of priorities. His primary concern is locating Warren. After curtly casting away the strumpets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their automobile), he serendipitously stumbles upon his friend, Warren G, being held up by the young miscreants.

Warren, unaware that Nate is surreptitiously observing the scene unfold, is in disbelief that he’s being robbed. The perpetrators have taken jewelry and a name brand designer watch from Warren, who is so incredulous that he asks what else the robbers intend to steal. This is most likely a rhetorical question.

Observing these unfortunate proceedings, Nate realizes that he may have to use his firearm to deliver his friend from harm.

The tension crescendos as the robbers point their guns to Warren’s head. Warren senses the gravity of his situation. He cannot believe the events unfolding could happen in his own neighborhood. As he imagines himself in a fantastical escape, he catches a glimpse of his friend, Nate.

Nate has seventeen cartridges to expend (sixteen residing in the pistol’s magazine, with a solitary round placed in the chamber and ready to be fired) on the group of robbers, and he uses many of them. Afterward, he generously shares the credit for neutralizing the situation with Warren, though it is clear that Nate did all of the difficult work. Putting congratulations aside, Nate quickly reminds himself that he has committed multiple homicides to save Warren before letting his friend know that there are females nearby if he wishes to fornicate with them.

Warren recalls that it was the promise of copulation that coaxed him away from his previous activities, and is thankful that Nate knows a way to satisfy these urges.

Nate quickly finds the women who earlier crashed their car on Nate’s account. He remarks to one that he is fond of her physical appeal. The woman, impressed by Nate’s singing ability, asks that he and Warren allow her and her friends to share transportation. Soon, both friends are driving with automobiles full of women to the East Side Motel, presumably to consummate their flirtation in an orgy.

The third verse is more expository, with Warren and Nate explaining their G Funk musical style. Nate displays his bravado by claiming that individuals with equivalent knowledge could not even attempt to approach his level of lyrical mastery. He also notes that if any third party smokes as he does, they would find themselves in a state of intoxication daily (from Nate’s other works, it can be inferred that the substance referenced is marijuana). Nate concludes his delineation of the night by issuing a vague threat to “busters,” suggesting that he and Warren will further “regulate” any potential incidents in the future (presumably by engaging their enemies with small arms fire).

nicomachus said...

Until recently, that was the "synopsis" of Regulate on wikipedia.

DukePirate said...

I think a student turned in that paper for the poetry unit of my Literary Heritage class. I believe he got a 'G' for 'gangsta.'